Screams of pain

Trying hard to keep updating :) 

Just had a rough in school as usual fullstop. Sigh the amount of things that disappoints me in a day is stupendous. 

I don't know 'bout you but,

Everytime i feel relaxed, empty, free of problems, somehow the way or another i'll get problems within the next few days which utterly kills me to think that believing that i am okay is not positive sign. One must have their problems no matter what and what's worse is that on the same fucking day of your life, my feelings of 

•insecurities

•anger

•rejection

•people hatin' on you

Happens at the same fucking day which drives me crazy.

All i wanted was just pure acception by the community. 

Well guess what :) i had enough. I had enough of people treating me as a option, delay. I have a ton of things to tell you but i guess it useless.

Sigh i guess inside i'm jist trying to make myself feel better. 😔

I'll go jog it out /: byeee

Sorry for the short post :x

Complications- rant

I'm really sorry for not blogging for the past few months cause i was so busy with work and the amount of things i had to complete was quite overwhelming and i didn't had the free time to really relax and completely get off from the books.

It's March!... 20... Which means N levels is getting closer day by day. I wanna get into foundation poly- requirement like so demanding, at least for me. Putting aside studies, finally, spent some quality time with my friends and family despite the pile of things i had to do. Had a so called reunion with the seniors to celebrate seryi's birthday and we're meeting up again during AA.

Speaking of annual awards, gah i can't even contain the amount of lava literally erupting out from my head. Things were so disorganised and nothing was planned beforehand and so we had to do the last minute changes... So and so. 

Well with the topic of complications, here comes the biggest problem is that i'm overthinking about things over and over again. Like how am i going to work out my life, what i wanna be, will i be happy when i grow up and how the hell am i going to support my family with my career which is driving me crazy crazy lemon squeezy. Even now, because of the fact that my father is lazing around and doing part time jobs, the amount of money we spent is not equilibrium to the amount of money earned, leading to a stupid state called budget constrain. Well now, my mom, elder sister, are encouraging me to work part time too, to contribute a little to the family. Sigh i didn't saw this coming at all. Hate how irresponsible my father is. His pushing all his work into us when we are having this situation of coping in school too, which drives me crazy sometimes because it's irritating. I mean. Do whatever you want ✋ and stop irritating me. I guess now the only soultion is to work work during the holidays- june holidays 😐.

I have ended my rant therefore good bye people.

Bye.

Yumz.

November

Hm.. November past really quickly. An overwhelming amount emotions hey.

During the holiday break for 2 months, i went back to my grandpa&grandma house. Felt a little uncomfortable at first because i wasn't really used to 'kampong' way of living. I couldn't really use my own electronic devices because i didn't had any 3G(internet) and worse they didn't have any line there. WHUTTT. That wasn't all. I had to get used to eating rice bugs (?) because the rice grains were freshly harvested and the bugs were IN THE GRAINS. They literally found a clever way to dig into the grain. Sounds legit but it was interesting anyway.

My grandma[63 years] had always been a great cook :) Well my grandpa[76 years] works at his own rubber tree area . They live by themselves. My grandma does the housework while my grandpa gets the money after selling the rubber he collected from his area. I tried convincing my grandpa to stop working and move to the richer side of our family house but they wanted to be independent and didn't want to be a bother to anyone. WHat makes me so worried is that their bodies are gradually getting weaker but they insist on being independent. ):

My Sisters and I had a 2 weeks stay. Seems so long but felt so short. Didn't expected 2 weeks to passed this quickly. Already missing them. During our stay there, we bought CDs to accompany us to replace the fact that we didn't couldn't use internet. HAHA. Every morning we woke up at 5.30am just to go to the market to shop for groceries and jog afterwards with my grandma (: Haha when we were in the market she would always show off to her friends that she had really big grandchildrens. That's kind of cute actually.

 Behind the house, there was a rambutan tree where my siblings would always get afew after every meal. Fresh and Sweet. YUM. These routines countiunes until a car came and said it was to pick us up to [4hours ride] to my aunts house because we had to settle some matters there. Well we were sad because we straight away could tell from my grandparents eyes that they held back grams of tears. I guess it's fine because During January 1st we're visiting them for afew days again.

 Looking forward already :) We rushed to our rooms, packed our bags and left as soon as possible :( The feeling wasn't good but we left. Our cousins were in the car too so we had company :) we played card games and bought sweets at toilet stops. Now, i'm in my aunt's house :)/ Don't really know how to feel because there's just so much to take care of and emotions just flushes inwards with lighting speedzzz. BAAAZ.
Guess that's all for today :) Have a great day forward guys! :)
,PrestenHewwwwwwwwz